So over the last few weeks, I realize I have slacked on the blogging, but I've actually come to a greater acceptance of our situation. Let me ramble through my story and just know that I do have a point to make..... :)
Recently, you may have heard about the lottery winners in New York that worked together and won $319 million dollars with the winning ticket. If you haven't heard this story, you can read it here, but let me just give a run down. So one of the coworkers goes to the store to purchase the lottery tickets and reaches over to pick up a candy bar that was calling his attention. As he reached over, a man jumped in front of him and purchased a lottery ticket. The lottery winner said that at first, he was somewhat irritated by the line-cutter and thought about saying something to him, but decided just to let it go. And now he has $319 million dollars to share with his coworkers. That money could have belonged to the line-cutter if he would have just waited his turn.
I was watching this super cool story on Good Morning America a couple weeks ago and I had a complete "ah-ha" moment. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, unexpectedly, at the age of 22, I would not have been blessed with this beautiful baby girl that I have today. God planned for me to have her and things happened for a reason. I then began thinking of the night I was in labor. Earlier that day, a big storm had blown through the area and caused lots of pregnant women's water to break and lead to a baby boom that evening at the hospital (12 girls born that night I believe- not a single boy). I remember wishing I was the lady in one of the rooms down the hall because her labor had gone so much faster than mine and I was just tired of waiting around for this baby to get out of me! :) Who knows if I was the only person who became a mother to a special needs child that night, but God gave me a child with just enough special needs that He knew I could handle. What if I had given birth to a baby that was deaf, or blind, or even both? What if I had a child that had been Autistic? I honestly know in my heart of hearts that I would not have been strong enough for a child with these types of needs. So the fact that I got Kennedy, despite her special needs, is such a blessing because I know it could be so much harder. But what if I had given birth just a few minutes earlier and God had given me one of the other babies born that night? Would I have had a "normal" child? Maybe. Would I have had a child with every more special needs that I wouldn't be able to handle? It could have happened. But the beauty of God is that He knows exactly what He is doing and He gave me a child with special needs because I have always had a soft spot for people with disabilities, but not so many special needs that I wouldn't be able to handle it as a single mother. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. I got just the baby that God intended for me to have. Just like the lottery winners got just the right place in line to get the ticket that was meant for them. In a sense, I hit the lottery myself with Kennedy Grace.
Very early in my pregnancy, I think I knew that my child would have some struggles. I remember being at a mall in Nashville with my mom and we were sitting in the food court when a group of children from a special education class came through the mall. I remember breaking down into tears and telling my mom that I didn't want a child with disabilities. My mom asked me if there would be any reason that I would have a child with special needs and of course I couldn't think of a reason, but I just felt that this could be a possibility. I don't know why I felt this so long before we ever knew Kennedy had some delays, but perhaps it's just a mother's intuition.
Just a couple weeks ago, I was talking with a friend and she was telling me about her struggles of her child that has ADHD and is Autistic. As she was talking about how her child likes to wander without her, I thought to myself, if I had a child that was ADHD and wouldn't sit still, I would have lost the kid by now! I'm not good at keeping up with things and at least with Kennedy, she'll sit in a cart or stroller and I know she isn't going anywhere. If I had a child who was hyperactive, I would indeed be in big, big trouble! And I'd also be in a tough spot if I had a child with Autism. While I'm still trying to learn things about autism, I struggle to have patience with kids with autism only because I don't understand the way their brains work. I honestly feel like having an autistic child would have put me in over my head. Of course, I know I would have learned to adapt with any type of special needs that Kennedy had, but I feel that God gave me what he knew I could handle. Granted, in the beginning when I was told Kennedy would never walk or talk, I wasn't sure how I was going to get through it. But I did and now I feel like we can get through anything together.
When I was given that grim news that Kennedy would never walk, talk, and would "probably be in special classes," I remember crying in the exam room and thinking to myself-- WHY?? Here I had stepped up to the plate to raise this child completely on my own when her "father" walked away the day he found out a child was on the way---and THIS is what I get for trying to do the right thing??? I remember feeling so angry with God. But now I see that I got just what I needed. In this master plan, God gave me a wonderful man who has stepped up to the parenting role and been the BEST father to Kennedy that I could ever ask for and I also got a child who has shown me that nothing in life is guaranteed and that anything is possible, no matter what the "professional experts" say. I got just the child God intended for me to have. A child that may not be physically perfect, but that is perfect for me!
